FWTR - Scanxiety

Hey girls,

Today I'm doing a CT Scan to check on things and just generally see where we are at. I get these about every 8 weeks so that my oncologist can determine if we should stick to what we are doing or change up the formula a bit. It has become pretty routine but I still get a bit nervous each time. Not because I have some fear of the scan itself, but because I fear the results. This all sort of started with a CT scan in the emergency department, so it's a bit of PTSD every time I hop on that table for the scan. 

This one however has some more weight to it. 

All of my blood tests and other indicators show that there shouldn't be any surprises on this scan but there is always that possibility. If something were to show up on this scan it could really derail everything we have been working toward with transplant, and that is what I'm worried about. I have put a lot of my chips on transplant being something that really gets me back to a semi-normal life, so if this goes poorly… I will certainly be scrambling for any and all other options and opportunities. 

As I sit in this waiting room, drinking this horrific barium "smoothie" (btw, heaven forbid you ever have to do this but I always get the berry flavor, and make sure it's cold and chug it. Don't wait around and let it warm up, you'll regret it.) I realize I've done everything I could, and the results are out of my control for today. I am not going to get too worked up about it because I can't change it now. But after we get the results, just know I plan to do anything it takes to stay here with you as long as I possibly can. 

Update-- CT results came in today, quicker than expected. Showed all clear in the chest and no new spots of concern in the abdomen/pelvis. Spots on the liver have seen some marginal shrinkage from last scan but it's pretty small. Still about as good of an outcome as we could have hoped for!